Many are still unaware of this, but the hard truth is, the way we receive love as a kid will reflect the way we perceive love as an adult. Everything that happened in our childhood would significantly impact our behaviour.
Take me as an example. I have only begun to recognize my love language when I was studying in university. At that time, a lot of my friends were in relationships, and their fondness of expressing and proclaiming their love with words began to confuse me. It was such a foreign thing for me because I was not used to hearing my parents proclaim their love for each other.
From as early as I can remember, I don’t think neither of my parents ever told me they loved me. The big L word hold so much weight that no one dared to say it. I thought it was like that with everyone, and I think this has unconsciously led me to believe that when you love someone, you don’t have to show your affections with words.
My mom has always made sure my biological needs were met, healthy foods were always on the table and my clothes were always clean, but she never asked if I was ever sad, angry, or happy. I don’t think anyone in my family ever talked about emotions and feelings. This has somehow convinced me that talking about feelings and emotions were taboo, thus turned me into a reserved person who never really talked about my feelings. I used to think that showing any type of emotions would make me appear as weak, and there’s nothing I hated more than being weak. Nothing good came out of this though, as I became a rather passive-aggressive person due to my inability to express my emotions. More often, I’d resort to silence, and that, so far, never really solved anything.
But the problems didn’t just stop there, because this has also made it harder for me to find a significant other. The way guys would just go about proclaiming their love, without really trying to establish a deep connection with me made me shiver and wanted to run the other way immediately. The way I’ve never told any of my crushes that I had feelings for them because I didn’t even understand what I was feeling, and I feared it would only drive them away from me.
I never really told my friends I love them, but I have always made sure to be there for them when they need me, providing them with support through my presence. But recently, I have come to the realization that sometimes people need reassurance, and that action alone may not be enough, so I’ve begun to change my approach. It was difficult at first, because I wasn’t used to saying stuff like “I love you” and “I care about you”. It was a strange thing at first, hearing those words came out of my mouth, but it got easier as time went by.
I’d tell my friends that I love them randomly sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with giving a little love and appreciation for my loved ones every now and then, right? Although I’m far from becoming better at expressing my love, I have begun to understand my feelings and emotions better. Sometimes I still find difficulties in grasping at the intangibles, but I am constantly learning, and I hope that’s good enough.
